Embracing my Asian American background

"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down."

This Japanese expression characterizes the attitude of many Asian Americans.  We should not put ourselves forward and stick out.  Many of us aren't sure whether we can or should lead.  And the Western models of leadership don't seem to fit.

This was taken from the back cover of Paul Tokunaga's book, Invitation to Lead:  Guidance for Emerging Asian American Leaders.  I read this book earlier this year and just finished reading, Following Jesus Without Dishonoring Your Parents, written by Jeanette Yep, Peter Cha, Susan Cho Van Riesen, Greg Jao & Paul Tokunaga.  Both are excellent reads and I highly recommend them!

As I dive into ministry work and transition through post-graduate life, the Asian American aspect of my identity has begun to surface in ways I hadn't anticipated.  Growing up as an American-Born Chinese (ABC) in an Asian American Christian community is a huge part of my identity, but I haven't really faced the large-scale implications and impact that Asian Americans may have as a cultural group until I started college.

Throughout my life I more often than not saw myself as very American because I didn't seem to have your typical Asian parents compared to most other Asian Americans I encountered or heard about.  So I didn't really understand what it meant to embrace my Asian American culture.  But recently I've begun to see that perhaps a number of the conflicts or struggles I've experienced throughout my life were rooted in a tension between these two worlds.  

Paul Tokunaga identifies it this way in Invitation to Lead:

Philip Slater, in The Pursuit of Loneliness, states that America stresses competition, individualism, independence and technology.  Asian cultures, on the other hand, tend to stress cooperation, community, interdependence and tradition.  "The cultures pull in opposite directions, and it is the soul of the Asian American that provides the rope for the tug of war."

Being partly in two worlds but not fully in either makes for a difficult high-wire balancing act.  What makes it so tough is that Asian and Western values are often polar opposites.  


It's true.  I feel like I fall closer towards the Western end of the Asian spectrum and closer towards the Asian end of the Western spectrum, and it's just confusing sometimes trying to figure out how to deal with certain issues or conflicts that arise.  

Susan Cho Van Riesen, though, makes an important point:

The key to wise discernment begins with knowing what kingdom values are first, and then listening well to our parents for wisdom and reflections of the kingdom in what they are saying.

I don't think this applies just to our parents but with any relationship we may encounter.  And I'm recognizing the importance of embracing my Asian heritage, while identifying areas where being an Asian American needs redemption and how Asian American values may have gifts to contribute to the body of Christ as well.

All in all, it's a vital part of growing as a leader and understanding what kind of impact my cultural background has/will have.  I know my journey as an Asian American leader doesn't stop here - it's just beginning to bud - and it won't be an easy or smooth road, but it's worth it to see how God will let it bloom.

An excerpt from Tokunaga's epilogue:

The biggest challenge for the next generation of Asian American leaders is to be one.

It will be far easier to be that nail that stays hammered down.  Leadership is risky, costly, dangerous and complex.  It can be nerve-wracking, faith-shaking and seductive.  It can drive you crazy.

You can say no.  Many potentially pretty good leaders do.  They just walk away and go about their business.  When they do that, however, there are three losers:  themselves, the lives that could have been affected by their leadership and then their followers.

Of the three, you lose the most.  Being a leader stretches us to our limits and beyond.  It forces us to trust God like never before.  We live out faith in once invisible dimensions of our lives.  We end up leading and serving some people we used to dislike even despise.  We might even end up loving them.  

But others lose too.  You have things to give that others need; stuff you weren't even aware was yours to offer.  Be that stick-out nail.


What kind of insight or experiences have you gained as an Asian American or as someone who has worked with/encountered Asian Americans?

Are we playing it safe?

It is risky business to pursue the kingdom of God.  I wish I could tell you that everybody you meet in your "Samaria" will be happy to see you.  I wish I could tell you that they're going to kiss you and smile and be so glad that you came.  I wish I could say that nobody is going to curse you out when you go to Samaria.  But the truth is, sometimes we will be called everything but a child of God.

I can't promise that it will be safe and comfortable when we try to cross racial, cultural, gender, religious, political or generational divides.  Those of us who want to be a credible witness must be willing to take risks.  In fact, I have found that individuals, groups or leaders in organizations who are highly risk-aversive will paralyze the reconciliation process and inadvertently lead others to doubt if a kingdom vision is actually possible.  Churches and Christian groups then become unable to trust God for innovative and new ways to do cutting-edge ministry that will really engage the culture around them.  The consequence of this is the loss of life and vitality that results when we choose to play it safe.  This seems to be implied in what Jesus said to his followers in Matthew 10:39:  we must be willing to lose our lives to find them.  When we follow Jesus and seek to demonstrate the truth and power of the gospel, we are taking a risk.  It is a risk to go where others dare not go.  It's a risk to do more than talk about Jesus.  Talking about Jesus is one thing; really following him in our choices about relationships, where we purchase property, how we vote and spend our money - that's another!  Our attempts to follow might cause us to lose relationships with those that we love, to lose donors who had given us financial support, or to lose our prestige or reputation in certain social circles.  This may be the risk we have to take in order to be a credible witness.

--an excerpt from Brenda Salter McNeil's, A Credible Witness:  Reflections on Power, Evangelism and Race

Seeping in, and it's soaking deep

The more I work on fund development, the more and more it really sinks in that I'm an InterVarsity staff worker, and this is what I'll need to get used to doing for the next indefinite number of years of my life.

And I say that as a neutral statement - it's not really a negative nor a positive thing for me right now - raising support just comes with the territory.  I am fully aware that fund development for a full-time ministry is not easy.  I don't know what to anticipate, but smooth-sailing and sunny skies are definitely not one of them.  I understand that even at the beginning stages of this process, even if it feels a little difficult, a little out of my comfort zone...it's probably nothing compared to what may come in the future.

Unfortunately the expectation that the fund development process will be difficult doesn't protect me from the struggle of trying not to take some things personally.  Building a support team puts me in a vulnerable place, and it frustrates me that I care so much about how people view me, or that I probably read too much into people's responses (or lack thereof).

Sometimes I can be super sensitive, and when people somehow manage to push those buttons of insecurity that remind me of my numerous inadequacies, I end up trying to make myself feel better and overcompensate for it by pridefully thinking I'm somehow special or better than those who don't show me any sign that they care about me or what I'm doing at all.  By doing that I make it about myself, as if this is a popularity contest or means of measuring how much people actually care about me, or as if the success of this ministry rests on my shoulders and not on the God of the universe, who called me to partner with Him in the first place.

This fundraising part of the ministry can get lonesome at the most unexpected times, and it's difficult for me not to get caught up in thinking I need to  try and please everyone to gain their approval.  Raising support is about finding people who would like to partner with what God is doing and inviting them to come and see what He is going to do.

(Side note:  it's also interesting to find that sometimes even people with the best intentions can be more discouraging than encouraging, or that the people you expect to show more support don't and the people you don't expect to, do.  The irony astounds me)

I really thank all of you who have been genuinely supportive and excited so far (even throughout my decision-making process to come on staff as well) about what God is doing through me and are looking forward to see what He'll do through me on InterVarsity's staff, especially for those who have expressed their support beyond my initial contact with you.  I haven't started on campus yet, so it's easy for people (myself included) to get caught up in thinking that looking for a support team during this summer is insignificant or unrelated to my upcoming work on campus, which is not true at all.

Praying and remembering my conversations with some of you have really kept me going during the lonely moments.  God reminds me that I am His and that ultimately He - not any of my family, my friends, or my supporters - is the one I desire to lay my life down for, the one I find comfort in, the one who securely holds my identity and never lets go.

Visions Becoming Reality

We always have a vision of something before it actually becomes real to us.  When we realize that the vision is real, but is not yet real in us, Satan comes to us with his temptations, and we are inclined to say that there is no point in even trying to continue.  Instead of the vision becoming real to us, we have entered into a valley of humiliation.

God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision.  It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint.  Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience.  Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has!  He is never in a hurry.  Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry.  While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us.  God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision.  Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work.  He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor's hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.

The vision that God gives us is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be down here.  Allow the Potter to put you on His wheel and whirl you around as He desires.  Then as surely as God is God, and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision.  But don't lose heart in the process.  If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it.

--Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest