Faithfulness, abundance, and generosity.

If there's one thing ministry partner development (MPD) through InterVarsity has taught me, it's that fund raising is not simply a money transaction, it's the opportunity to develop a relationship.

Raising funds was never really a big, scary thing for me.  I think that's probably really strange to most people, particularly as an Asian American woman.  But when I think about the kind of environment I grew up in and how I responded to my circumstances, it makes sense. 

My dad was a pastor of a small English congregation in a Chinese Alliance church for the first 10 or so years of my life, and then went full time into directing a non-profit para-church organization, continuing to this day.  My mom was a stay at home mom (which I loved and am so grateful for), and so my family didn't exactly have a stable income or the nicest of things.

But in the midst of how different my family's lifestyle seemed to be in comparison to others, we never had to worry - we always had just what we needed and then some.  We swam in a vast ocean deep with grace, generosity, and provisions every single day.

God often expressed His faithfulness, abundance, and generosity in our family through the love of my parents and my community. Whether it was through tangible materials, opened homes, or the occasional unique life experience, it was all rooted in relationships our family had with others.

Now that I think about it, I don't think it's a big surprise that ministry partnership is not just about transacting funds.  The primary ways I've experienced and witnessed God's faithfulness, abundance, and generosity has been through the context of relationships with others.  In fact, I would even say that the very foundations of my childhood are based on them.

I guess as a child I was more often at the receiving end of what these beautiful relationships between my family and others developed.  Now as a staff with InterVarsity, I'm learning how to develop, cultivate, and deepen my own relationships so that I may learn how to extend that same faithfulness, abundance, and generosity from the Lord to others.

I'm fully supported for the year!

Seeping in, and it's soaking deep

The more I work on fund development, the more and more it really sinks in that I'm an InterVarsity staff worker, and this is what I'll need to get used to doing for the next indefinite number of years of my life.

And I say that as a neutral statement - it's not really a negative nor a positive thing for me right now - raising support just comes with the territory.  I am fully aware that fund development for a full-time ministry is not easy.  I don't know what to anticipate, but smooth-sailing and sunny skies are definitely not one of them.  I understand that even at the beginning stages of this process, even if it feels a little difficult, a little out of my comfort zone...it's probably nothing compared to what may come in the future.

Unfortunately the expectation that the fund development process will be difficult doesn't protect me from the struggle of trying not to take some things personally.  Building a support team puts me in a vulnerable place, and it frustrates me that I care so much about how people view me, or that I probably read too much into people's responses (or lack thereof).

Sometimes I can be super sensitive, and when people somehow manage to push those buttons of insecurity that remind me of my numerous inadequacies, I end up trying to make myself feel better and overcompensate for it by pridefully thinking I'm somehow special or better than those who don't show me any sign that they care about me or what I'm doing at all.  By doing that I make it about myself, as if this is a popularity contest or means of measuring how much people actually care about me, or as if the success of this ministry rests on my shoulders and not on the God of the universe, who called me to partner with Him in the first place.

This fundraising part of the ministry can get lonesome at the most unexpected times, and it's difficult for me not to get caught up in thinking I need to  try and please everyone to gain their approval.  Raising support is about finding people who would like to partner with what God is doing and inviting them to come and see what He is going to do.

(Side note:  it's also interesting to find that sometimes even people with the best intentions can be more discouraging than encouraging, or that the people you expect to show more support don't and the people you don't expect to, do.  The irony astounds me)

I really thank all of you who have been genuinely supportive and excited so far (even throughout my decision-making process to come on staff as well) about what God is doing through me and are looking forward to see what He'll do through me on InterVarsity's staff, especially for those who have expressed their support beyond my initial contact with you.  I haven't started on campus yet, so it's easy for people (myself included) to get caught up in thinking that looking for a support team during this summer is insignificant or unrelated to my upcoming work on campus, which is not true at all.

Praying and remembering my conversations with some of you have really kept me going during the lonely moments.  God reminds me that I am His and that ultimately He - not any of my family, my friends, or my supporters - is the one I desire to lay my life down for, the one I find comfort in, the one who securely holds my identity and never lets go.

Beginnings

My favorite part about raising support = having an excuse to meet with people.

Taking on a leadership role in InterVarsity took my relationships with people to a deeper level.  God wasn't just helping me gain more leadership skills to learn how to apply them.  I discovered who people really were and was learning to care about where they've come from and where they were going.  I learned that leadership wasn't about gaining power, being completely adequate, or having things always go my way.  The reality of my leadership became a repeating process of submitting myself to God's lead, relinquishing my power, accepting my identity in Christ, and breaking my heart for the things His heart breaks for.  

Meeting with people helped me begin to see the potential of what God could do in each person's life, and that the possibilities were beyond my imagination.  I'd get excited just thinking about it!

Talking with each one of you gives me the chance to see a glimpse of what God is doing in your life and allows me to participate in His work through you.  My goal is not only to invite you to be a part of what God is doing in my life and through my life, but also to see how I can support you and partner with you in the ways God is calling you to serve Him.  Your kingdom work is just as important as mine because it is all for the glory of God.

For those of you with whom I've met with/talked with already, thank you for the privilege of sharing your life with me.  You have provided the opportunity to remind me of how big our God really is, and how He works in awesome and creative ways.  Most of you have made me laugh, encouraged me tremendously, gotten me all excited about where God is leading you, and you've made my days that much brighter.  I'm not trying to be cheesy, I'm being totally serious!

Here are some of my goals throughout this process of building a support team, to the best of my knowledge, ability and power through Christ:

• To make myself as readily available and accessible to you for prayer and any kind of support.
• To encourage you and remind you that you are worthy to be heard, known, and loved because of who God is.
• To be in tune with what God may be saying to you through me as well as what He may be saying to me through you.

And forgive me if I fail to accomplish these goals - I am trying to remain in a posture of learning and sometimes just need some time, a little extra help, or some grace.