Whenever I think about the craziness of this past year, I realize I've had to muster up a lot of faith and courage to say, "Yes," to Jesus time and time again. I didn't know where I was going to end up, and I still don't. But here I am, in the city of Rochester, in a new apartment with a new husband and a whole new chapter of life from which I've started to turn the pages.
I guess saying yes to Jesus can sometimes feel like you're Rip Van Winkle waking up from a 20-year-long nap that felt like 20 minutes, only to find that you've moved, you're married, and your job re-located to some place you know absolutely nothing about. You're disoriented. You think it's a little crazy to be in this position at this age, but the dizziness from sitting up too fast has worn off and the facts just haven't changed. You rub your eyes but you're still where you are even though you've begun to regain balance. That's what it sort of feels like right now.
At the same time, there's been this undeniable peace with me the whole time. I'm happy, too. I know happiness doesn't last that long, but I try to embrace it (though lightly) when that particular wind blows my way.
Besides a new chapter in life, there's also this new InterVarsity chapter to embrace. Honestly, it's very difficult for me to make plans for a chapter I know very little about. But it forces me to pray and trust in Jesus. And while I keep asking Jesus, "I want to know more," He keeps saying, "I want you to trust more," in return.
This year's NY/NJ Regional Staff Conference theme was called, "Abiding, Bearing Fruit, and the Art of Self-Leadership." And while I'm still processing some things, one thing that has stuck is the importance of abiding in Jesus. Honestly, I still don't know what that looks like for me...or what it looks like to have a husband alongside of me in this journey. But as I seek knowledge, hope, direction and the comforts of structures and routines, Jesus seems to keep reminding me, "You'll find all that you really need in me."
No comments:
Post a Comment