A new chapter

Whenever I think about the craziness of this past year, I realize I've had to muster up a lot of faith and courage to say, "Yes," to Jesus time and time again.  I didn't know where I was going to end up, and I still don't.  But here I am, in the city of Rochester, in a new apartment with a new husband and a whole new chapter of life from which I've started to turn the pages.

I guess saying yes to Jesus can sometimes feel like you're Rip Van Winkle waking up from a 20-year-long nap that felt like 20 minutes, only to find that you've moved, you're married, and your job re-located to some place you know absolutely nothing about.  You're disoriented.  You think it's a little crazy to be in this position at this age, but the dizziness from sitting up too fast has worn off and the facts just haven't changed.  You rub your eyes but you're still where you are even though you've begun to regain balance.  That's what it sort of feels like right now.

At the same time, there's been this undeniable peace with me the whole time.  I'm happy, too.  I know happiness doesn't last that long, but I try to embrace it (though lightly) when that particular wind blows my way.

Besides a new chapter in life, there's also this new InterVarsity chapter to embrace.  Honestly, it's very difficult for me to make plans for a chapter I know very little about.  But it forces me to pray and trust in Jesus.  And while I keep asking Jesus, "I want to know more," He keeps saying, "I want you to trust more," in return.

This year's NY/NJ Regional Staff Conference theme was called, "Abiding, Bearing Fruit, and the Art of Self-Leadership."  And while I'm still processing some things, one thing that has stuck is the importance of abiding in Jesus.  Honestly, I still don't know what that looks like for me...or what it looks like to have a husband alongside of me in this journey.  But as I seek knowledge, hope, direction and the comforts of structures and routines, Jesus seems to keep reminding me, "You'll find all that you really need in me."

This blog is not dead.

I'm just going to put this on hold for a little bit until things start to settle down.
I may start again in the summer (around August), or I may surprise you with something earlier than that, so keep checking back!

Boundaries.

Something I've always been aware of in my head about ministry is that the work is never done until Jesus returns.  Even when I see people transformed by Christ's work in their lives or significant advancements towards campus renewal or students adapting lifestyles that promote a change in the world, the work is never complete.

So I recognize that I've been experiencing a sense of "emotional workaholicism" over these past several months - I'll try to pace myself with tasks but I'll be so preoccupied and worried about what I feel like I'm not doing well or completing, even though I'm not in a meeting or performing a task.  I'll place the weight or outcome of a task on my own shoulders as sole responsibility so much that I don't take the time to really enjoy rest or develop my own personal growth.

It's something both my E-board team and I have been learning, so as I've been trying to hold my leaders accountable to resting I am simultaneously holding myself accountable to resting and acknowledging that this is ultimately God's ministry and His work.  Part of that means learning what it means to create some boundaries between ministry work and personal sustainability and development, part of it also means creating a personal intercessory team that would help pray not only for my ministry at Binghamton but for me as a child of God.

Part of it also means that for my sabbath I need to create and work on personal projects that I enjoy working on, can see to completion, and enjoy the fruits of my creativity and labor.  One the great things about this reflection is that I've already begun putting this practice - last week I took on the project of rearranging my room, and it was such a restful and enjoyable experience that has improved my work environment for when I'm not on campus meeting with students.

Praise God for His reminder to me that He is a God of abundance and not scarcity - especially in creativity and rest!