Confessions of a staff worker.

Honestly, I don't really like meeting new people.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I like people.  I love having good conversations and getting to know an individual's hopes, dreams, and learning about what makes them tick.

It's the approach and carrying on the conversation I often have issues with.

I don't like inserting myself into people's time and space.  I want to leave people well enough alone.  And I am perfectly content with being around a lot of wandering people without feeling the need to interact with them.  I don't want to be an interruption or burden or source of awkwardness for anyone.

Speaking of awkwardness, my fear of awkwardness is what tests my ability to sustain a conversation with someone.  I'm afraid we won't have anything in common for me to jump start our interaction, or that something I say will make the other person feel uncomfortable or trapped.  I'm afraid I won't know what question to ask next or what to do if the other person answers too briefly.

Also, I just want people to like me.  Who doesn't want people to like them?

That's what makes New Student Outreach (NSO) events so intimidating and draining for me.  I'd much rather just set up shop and wait for people to approach me.  Be there for people when they call.

But that's not how Jesus loved people.  He didn't stay in one place and wait for people to come to him - he left all that was comfortable and familiar and went to them.  He moved past potentially awkward situations.  He wasn't afraid to go deep really fast.  He crossed cultural boundaries.  He didn't lose focus from His purpose.  He boldly challenged others.  He invited people to join Him.  It was all worth it, to Him.  People in need are worth it to Him.  

So when NSO comes around, I work hard to step up and introduce myself to people despite my fears and discomfort.  I ask the Holy Spirit for courage.  I try really hard to be assertive but genuine at the same time.  I am reminded that not all of my attempts will bear fruit.  Rejection and failure should be expected.  But that doesn't mean I should let it paralyze me.

Meeting new students is not something that comes naturally to me, despite what some of my students may think.  It is something I discipline myself to do for the sake of the gospel.  God's love for me gives me the capacity to love others - even strangers.

It is tempting to be lazy or leave it to the "socially gifted" and "extroverts" of the group around me.  But we are all called to love God and love others, and that means we are all called to seek out the needs of others and to meet them where they are.

When it comes to loving people, Jesus always said, 'Go and do.'  When did he ever say, 'Sit and wait'?

Creative Ways to Partner - July 2014

Please comment or email me (tammy_bixler@ivstaff.org) if you'd like to partner with me in any of these ways:

1.  Sponsor a Small Group care package:

We have 9 small group leaders preparing to lead 9 small groups this fall semester.  I think it would be so cool if they could receive a fun and encouraging care package from someone who's thinking and praying for them!  I can give you suggestions and ideas for a package if you'd like, and you can send it to me anytime this semester.

Below are the small group leaders and their respective small group focuses:

Eric - Grad students
Jessie - Artists
Tin - Fitness
Doug - Freshmen
Lydia - Health Sciences & Commuter 
Tim - (n/a yet)
Amanda - (n/a yet)
Michael - (n/a yet)

2.  Help me decorate an office wall space:

I have a large empty wall space in my InterVarsity office on campus.  I had shelves taken down and I didn't want to paint the wall, so I left the tracking on there and hung a navy blue tablecloth over the wall, thinking I'd come up with some brilliant idea to decorate.

However, I have not come up with a brilliant idea, and it has not been the highest of my priorities, so I'd love some help.  If you have ideas or would like to send/give me some decor (e.g. banners, post-its, picture frames) that would help create a welcoming space for meeting with students and remind us of what our ministry is all about, please let me know!

It would just be a big cherry on top if that decorative space could be interactive/engaging (e.g. having students write an encouraging note to post).

Commanding voice.

By the time I was a senior in high school, I was a commander - a captain, in fact - in the JROTC program in my high school.  I participated in the JROTC program for all four years at Francis Lewis.  Not too many of my college peers, nor my current IV students, or even fellow IV staff, know about this little fun fact.  And for those who do know, I wouldn't be surprised if they have a hard time picturing me in it.

Maybe they have a hard time picturing me giving out orders.  I don't think I give off a typical Army-like vibe most people would have in mind.

Or maybe it's the idea of me in an army uniform?

Well, believe it or not, I did it.  And while I did my best to be a good leader and not abuse my power, I did enjoy being in charge.  Part of being in charge meant sometimes giving commands to cadets, and giving commands meant using what we called our 'commanding voice.'

I felt like an entirely different person using my commanding voice.  Most of the time I felt confident because I knew what I needed and wanted to do to lead those cadets well.  I felt brimmed over with authority because it didn't make me a bossy person and this was the position and responsibility I had been given to steward.   I also knew many of them wanted to follow me.  I appreciated their encouragement and respect, and was humbled by their desire to learn and grow.

As a staff worker, I have not yet found my commanding voice.

While I am confident about God's call on my life and am clear about the mission He has given us as an InterVarsity chapter, my temptation is to doubt the spiritual authority God has given me to lead His people.  While I know I have that spiritual authority in my head, I don't always feel it in my bones.  More often than not I step 10 feet out of my comfort zone when I lead RIT students, and with continuously seeing how far we need to go, it's hard to feel confident that my leadership is effective, or that I have any spiritual power to do anything helpful.

What I am confident about is my trust in the power God has to work in me and through me despite my doubts.  There's still time to learn how to embody the spiritual authority God has given me in the work I have been entrusted with.